She’s Still Here…..

As I lay here waiting for my hair to air dry, my mind wanders as The Script serenades my countless thoughts. I think about my yesterdays, my today & my tomorrows. Will the cycle just continue on repeating, am I satisfied with it….of course not what kind of question is that. Where is that hopeful young girl with aspirations of becoming something? Did she get lost somewhere? ‘Science and Faith’ those where her biggest questions in life and now she stumbles on the idea that maybe there’s something in between. Though her mind continues to ponder she just lets it linger…..the day will come where she finds who she is & where she needs to be. Till then she falls into a deep slumber as Danny O’Donoghue sings about a heart no breaking even.

Playlist of the Week: From Reggae, Country, Hip Hop to Rancheras

Happy Friday everyone!!! Since I got the day off today and feel like writing some thoughts down I’m gonna share with you a couple of songs. These songs have gotten me through the past week and without them I’d probably be in the shittiest mood right now. Warning though my music taste varies from many genres so don’t be surprised, enjoy.

She Don’t Have To Know- John Legend God, I came across this song last week & man was it the greatest thing I’ve done right in a while. Basically the song is about them having an affair and it being so good can’t seem to end it, shit I don’t judge I’d even say “goals” Plus, Legend’s voice is work of the sex gods.

Safe And Sound- Rebelution Like I’ve mentioned in my previous post Reggae music has gotten me through my “breakup” & this one totally gives me that vibe. The tone is catchy & has this flow that just leaves me all loose. When it comes on it the shower, oh the sexy sway comes out & I get lost in the rhythm, I ain’t even afraid to admit it.

Me Canse de Morir por Tu Amor- Chalino y Adan Sanchez Many might not know this about me but I FUCKING LOVE mexican music. Like rancheras & nortenas are my fucking weakness. If I totally had the beaner out going friends I’d totally be hitting those Rodeos & shit. Anyways this song is fucking great, especially when you are going the a heartbreak, basically he’s saying “Bye Felicia”

Strip It Down- Luke Bryan Reason why this song is on the list, it’s Luke he can make you forget about anything. It’s like your listening to a happily ever after & it just feels beautiful. Plus, with the whole Route 91 being just 3 weeks away Country music is my solace.

Born Sinner- J. Cole Pretty much since I’ve thrown in every genre might as well throw in this handsome chocolate fella. I know I used to talk a lot if shit when my sister would play this music but honestly I learned to enjoy it very much. Between Kendrick Lamar & J. Cole my music is expanding but this song here really does make the big list. This one makes it to the Soundtrack To My Life playlist.

Till next time…

& I’m Ready To Let You Go

I just love when you are completely lost and then you hear a song and everything just clicks. All those questions you have roaming on you mind are answered and in a way you feel free, well this happened to me yesterday. I’ve been keeping you all posted on my recent love affair & I’m pretty sure by now you are annoyed. To be quite honest so am I which is why when I heard ‘Nice Time’ by Pepper I saw the light. I started thinking and reminiscing about the past couple of months & I realized I think I’m finally ready to let her go. Music seemed to be the way we communicated, late night song dedications well they had me smiling for days, but never did I get to tell her my dedication. The one song that was hers from the beginning, ‘Last Request’ by Paulo Nutini. Its been a favorite of mine for the longest time & never did I think I’d find someone worthy, but I did. The day we started whatever it was we had I knew it was gonna be a heartache but I was up for it. Yeah now it hurts like a motherfucker, literally feels like a piece is missing, like you literally feel incomplete. I now understand how the greatest writers & poets of time had to live through heartbreaks to create such beautiful masterpieces. When I told her my passion in life was writing she didn’t laugh or look at me weird, she was very interested & I actually shared some of it with her. The day I told her she inspired many poems, she was amazed & shocked but I never shared them with her. The one thing I did share with her was the dedication page which will one day read, “To my Panamanian muse with the beautiful hazel eyes that made me question what love is”. Even though things are the way they are she will always mean something for me but I’m ready to wallow & go forward with life. I’m no longer holding on to the idea of an us but more to the idea of who am I. Who knows if years from now when you come to realize who you are & you remember me, I hope you know that every word I wrote & said was truly meant. To fall in love for the first time was a beautiful thing but for it to have been with you was bittersweet. My biggest flaw is that I’m a hopeless romantic so I know I will fall many times but I will always remember my first.

With that being said, here’s the song that made me realize I’m ready to move on:

Nice Time by Pepper

Look at me baby, am I a little blurry
Now your tears have obstructed your view
This is only crazy, if you think it’s crazy
And of course it’s always up to you
Now there’s so much to say, you won’t give away
Don’t think you’ll ever decide
So you leave it up to me, to say what we both mean
I’m sorry but I’m over the line
Because the last time we had a nice time baby it was so long ago
Oh it was the last time but now I think that I’m ready for me to let you go
So why do you care anymore, why do you care, why do you care anymore
All this time that you think I would be here for your sake
I hope you got a bottle of wine, and if it’s a drinking problem
I’ll be laughing at the bottom, because I already finished mine
But there’s so much to say, It’s a give away, what you really feel inside
So you leave it up to me, to say what we both mean
I’m sorry but I’m over the line
Because the last time we had a nice time baby it was so long ago
Oh it was the right time but now I think that I’m ready for me to let you go
Oh and now the last time we had a nice time baby it was so long ago
Now you can leave me right here, I can leave you right there, you can keep me right here
How could you just not care, and I know, feeling like a sun, when the night is done
So just let me shine oh
And the last time we had a nice time baby it was so long ago
Oh it was the last time but now I think that I’m ready for me to let you go
Oh Because the last time we had a nice time baby it was so long ago
Baby cause the last time we had a nice time baby, the last time baby was so long ago

*notification beep*


Well that felt like bittershit….. With everything going on I thought it was only fair that I allow myself to take a 2hr nap. You know to relax the body and soul and get ready for another round of bullshit. Only did I realize when I woke up that life was still the same, I’m just not as sleepy. I now understand the beauty of dreaming & would love it so much to go back mine. It wasn’t even a perfect dream…..its just what Ive been wanting for awhile. I guess I just have to accept the things life throws at me & learn to tell myself “its not all you”.


…..the same old story cont.

*heavy sigh* Well what did I expect, right?…… An update on my love life: yeah its non-existent. I guess she took a left turn somewhere when I was clearly going right. How do I feel about that? I don’t even know myself, I’m just getting by day by day & doing what everyone has told me “You do you”. If only I knew how to do me. This life I live is all over the place but I guess I could start with getting a second job. Use my spare time on being busy so I have less time to think about everything. Heck who knows maybe I could finally write another screenplay like I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I’ve also been wanting to run……like a lot & that’s unusual cause I am as lazy as they come. I guess that’s what happens when your heart breaks not only does your world get turned around but so does your mind. I’m an irrational person so I’ll even admit Friday I was so annoyed and angry that I literally just went to get a piercing like nothing. I figured something new would be nice and the pain well its nice every now and then. God that sounded real emo but I promise it’s not the weird kind. I swear life was so much easier when I just had my nose in a book, & heart breaks only came from the realization that you’ll never have that. I will say though I started to get back into my reading cause that is “doing me” but some are hard to finish cause the simplest thing triggers a memory & it’s like FUCK. I guess I just have to wait for this feeling to pass, so time is my only friend. Till then I got Route 91 in October at Vegas, which means gorgeous ass cowboys. I’m also planning on getting a new tattoo which seems to fit perfectly, ‘Hopeless Romantic’. Rumor also has it that I might be given a car in the next 2 months so that’s a good thing, I could literally “drive off into the sunset”. Since all I have to look forward to is time.

Well there you have it ladies & gentlemen, all I can say is even though I’m feeling like the pure and utter shit it was worth it. Those few months are bittersweet memories, but I do question this, was it real? Every word exchanged, every song dedicated, every emotion….was it real on the other side?

………………………..It’s a beautiful thing to give a piece of your heart out.

The Thin Line Between Like & Love

Is there a thin line between Like & Love but I’m not talking about Lust either cause that is just a whole other thing. Like what do you tell someone when ‘like’ doesn’t feel enough but ‘love’ can mean too much, especially when it might be too soon. Am I the only one who thinks this way? For example, when I say goodnight to my lady friend & I want to give her a reassurance that there indeed is a feeling, how do I put it. I mean I always end up going with something very cheesy & slightly corny. Which is basically why I’m here with these thoughts…..

Like I’ve mentioned on earlier post I started talking to someone & there has been a connection growing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something different in my overall aspects of life. She has changed the way I see life in the past, present & future but I can’t say I’m positively certain the feeling is mutual but it feels like it. Anyway, well my world got turned upside down after she hit me with the news that she might be/ most likely will be moving a distance. Even though we have kept it as being really close friends, time has past and the way we talk plays out like there’s more than a friendship & we get that. We just don’t want to label anything because before you become one, one itself has to be found. I won’t share all the details but I can leave it where if this move plays through I will definitely be going through my first real heartbreak. Now am I ready for that? Who really is, right? We can’t really prepare ourselves for a broken heart because what would be the fun in that. The way I see it is life just gave us a push, which means we live it & enjoy it while we can. I would rather make wonderful memories that will get me through my wallows. Make the tears I cry be caused by the unforgettable moments we shared together. Now is that selfish of me? Could it make it worse if in the end we must part? I guess these end up being pointless questions when we already know what we’re going to do. We are going to give it all we can till the day comes. With that I leave it with this quote that popped up in the most unexpected time but felt so perfect;

“And even if you’re not here to stay, I’m happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by.”

Define Forever…

Forever . . . – Judy Blume

Since I had 2 days off work I was dying to get started on a new book & lord knows I have a huge to be read list. So I got my lazy ass up and walked to the bookshelf and picked up the first book I found & it happened to be a ‘life changing” one. I don’t think I’ve ever read a Judy Blume novel so for my first one being ‘Forever’ I will definitely be reading another. It wasn’t that I fell in love with the characters but more that I fell in love with the story line. Being that this novel is a teen fiction I am a bit late but even now it did answer some questions that have been boiling in the back of my mind. For example, when I fell in love for the first time, I thought it was everything in the world to me. I wanted to talk to him 24/7, be with him, sleep with him, his kisses were bits & pieces of oxygen that I needed to go on another day. He felt like forever & that was it. I later found out that forever was simply over rated and only 2 months long. I went through my heartbreak and loathing everyday, they felt never-ending, believing that I might not ever find someone as “good”  he was. Now if you asked me if I feel the same way now I’d say “FUCK NO!”. I have found someone who has exceeded my expectations. Someone who is nothing like him but everything I need them to be. Unlike my first “forever” this time there is no rush, patience is the key. We talk, we laugh, we’ve gone out once & hopefully out second time tomorrow. We have not held hands or kissed or even had sex but at this moment there is no rush, after all we do have forever right?

Judy Blume captures that “perfect first love”  that every young lady goes through. Whether it be in middle school or high school we believe we have found the one and that is it.
He or she is our FOREVER, but we were all raised in knowing nothing in fact can last forever. I don’t mean it in a negative “just cause it didn’t work out with me it wont work for anyone” way but in reality our teenage years are to be lived out. I’m not saying go sleep around with every handsome young man you see, cause that would just be wrong but get to know different people. Your young and you are growing, one summer away could change your “forever” without you even planning on it. One winter you can be all about mandarins then summer comes along and mandarins can gross you out cause you have tasted watermelon. With a snap of the fingers, it can all change.

Summer Sisters by Judy Blume‘Forever’ is definitely a book I will give to my daughter or even son on their 15th birthday. I highly recommend this book and the best part is its a real quick read took me less than 24hrs to finish.  Next on my list is ‘Summer Sisters’ by Judy Blume which is for an older audience. To those who stick around and continue to read what I have to share, THANK YOU, & I will be back to let you know how it goes.

Lost In Translation

All the darkness of the world cannot  extinguish the light of a single candle.                                     --- St. Francis of Assisi

Flame Tip

“All during his life he had preferred to read by candlelight and often he would place his hand over the flame in order to be sure he was alive, Alive.

Since the day of his death he has kept near him always a lighted candle but his hands behind his back. “

Recently I have gotten my hands on a copy of ‘Modern European Poetry” which is basically a collection of various poems from many poets translated by other great poets. I go through my stage where I really enjoy reading poetry and fall in love with every single line and its happened again but I’m quite stuck on this one. I believe it was written by a French Poet named Guillaume Apollinaire, now here is why I had to share this one. I have read it to myself easily 20 times and out loud another 40 but I can’t quite understand the ending. I get lost in translation or something… When it comes to poetry I believe the reader finds their own meaning based on their emotion. Here is what I’ve concluded so far:

This person loved to read, very passionately, sometimes he would get so lost in it that he had to burn himself to snap back into reality. To remind himself that this pure ecstasy is simply a result of fiction and vivid imagination although it was beautiful its wasn’t real. After his death he has kept with him a lit candle but never does he burn himself, what does that mean? Is it cause now that he is dead he doesn’t need to prove to himself that he is alive? or is it cause he doesn’t want to face the reality that he is dead? Could it be that he feels he was wrong in not enjoying the fantasy and now regrets it? I’m getting the feeling that this poem is basically about regret. It might be. I guess the best part about all this is when I do find out the meaning it will be the greatest mind-fuck of all time.

Guilty Pleasures with Eric Church


Last year I got to see Eric Church live in concert and it was amazing. I have been a fan for quite sometime now because I really like his vibe. Theres no denying Eric Church is a country artist but that doesn’t stop him from adding his taste of rock to every song. Thats what keeps me coming back every time and when I heard one of his new song about a month ago I completely lost it. For those who have not heard ‘Like A Wrecking Ball’ go do so NOW!!!! It will not disappoint. I guess you can say the reason why I can’t get enough of it is cause its basically sex. You get lost in the melody and when he sings the lyrics it just make me swoon.
I’m quite the bookworm, so I am always trying to find the perfect songs for every book and I found a home for this one. I’m not sure if I’ve blogged about Olivia Cunnings “Sinners on Tour” series yet? About the amazing rock star sex gods who just get me weak in the knees, well this song song is basically for Master Sinclair and Myrna. It totally fits because Brian Sinclair definitely rocks your world. Aside from the whole book fanasty world, in reality this song is quite the catch. Now this is the first time I post from a Mobile device so hopefully the link works just take 3 minutes to listen ⬇⬇ you’ll love it.


To New Beginnings


I like to believe that one day this in fact could be true. That I will only focus on the positive and make the best of it, but at this very moment I can’t. My first reaction for everything will always be to worry if it was I who made the mistake, or made a wrong move, said the wrong thing. It could in fact just end up being nothing like almost every time it is but that would just be to easy for me. If there was no worry building up inside of me every second then well sadly I would just not be living. Its always the same story nothing last forever, which is why I hope to worry less and just enjoy every moment even though it’s with doubt. Who knows maybe this might now lead to an end but to many beginnings.
Sweet dreams,


Hozier, Thanks For Being There

*heavy sigh* That’s how its been for me these past weeks, sigh after sigh. There’s the *loving sigh*, *confusing sigh*, *tired sigh* and lastly the *reliving sigh*. I’ve enjoyed every single one of them but sometimes sighs say more than words themselves. Since I’ve last posted I believe I was in a somewhat good note with life, and I’m still somewhat the same, just this time I’m tired and confused. Which is why I am very thankful to have Hozier’s entire album one click away. Lately every song I’ve heard answers a question I can’t quite ask but very much think. I’ve recently discovered something new about me, although it was more like a realization, and I opened myself up yet again to someone. It was something new for me, went into it blindfolded but ready to take it slow. That’s when Hozier made me question myself with “Someone New”. Did I really just go into this cause I need that fill of whats been missing? Am I just trying to settle? Do I just want to dip my toes in? That was when I asked my dear old friend Pandora and “Foreigners God” was my answer. Now I know what your thinking how can a simple music station be the future of my life, well yes its that simple. Hozier was basically singing about my depressing life and telling me that someone out there is going to try and breakdown my walls and I should just let them try. & I did. Which had me singing “Work Song’ at the top of my lungs. Enjoying every moment of it & experiencing things that felt new but completely comfortable. “When my time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.” Now I ask you Hozier what comes next? How can you answer my next question when yet I don’t even know what to ask? Cause I’ve hit a stone on the road & i’m not sure if I should pick it up and put it to the side or if I should pick it up and take it with me to the end of the road. Maybe I should be asking Adele some of these questions but all she tells me is that I’m there one and only which is complete and utter bullshit. Adele may have gotten through heartbreak cause she made $$$Bills but this one here all shes gaining is anxiety and possibly extra pounds. I guess time is my only friend for now.

Free To Ride

Writer’s Block Party
When was the last time you experienced writer’s block? What do you think brought it about — and how did you dig your way out of it?
Via The Daily Post

All of 2014 was my writers block, yeah I know it was a long period. One whole year without picking up a pen and having that fine point meet up with a single piece of paper. I have a feeling many factors contributed from completing many chapters in my life, and beginning a few others. Starting an amazing job and not being able to time manage between writing or reading on my days off. As well as always wanting to sleep because life was just back handing me over and over again. Inspiration, well it slowly began to just slip away. The feeling of becoming that aspired writer didn’t seem to fit well in my future. Let alone what is my future? As of today I have no idea. I’m a dreamer, one who believes she can be everything her heart desires. I want to know a little about everything so when I take my last breath its because of exhaustion cause I’ve tried it all. For me to choose a set career is the hardest thing & I will never do but now thinking about it I believe I have… writing. It won’t make me rich, I will probably never become a best selling author & I might be paid minimum for the rest of my life but one things for sure, I will be free.
I guess that answers the next question, how did I get out of my writers block? Simply realizing the importance of my life. No one has it easy that’s why we find these distractions hat make us feel anything is better than nothing.
In this moment I am free to ride along.


$10k in One Week…What Would You Do?

Seven Days
You wake up tomorrow morning to find all your plans have been cancelled for the next seven days and $10,000 on your dresser. Tell us about your week. Via Daily Post
Well it would be a miracle and have me believing that our sweet baby Jesus is in fact listening. I would probably start out my week just bumming it Monday thru Thursday trying to stragize how much is going where and for what. I am an absolute planner at least when it come to financial situations. I am also a huge procrastinator which will explain why I will wait till Friday to begin paying off old bills and finding a new place for both my family & then for myself. Lord knows I am quite odd. I love my peace and quiet & wouldn’t mind just walking around topless in underwear. Not needing to shout “Is anyone else here?” every time I’m out of the shower. Sometimes a girls just feels like sleeping and walking around in her birthday suit, its normal and natural. I’d give maybe $200 to my brothers to by whatever they felt they needed. Also give my  sisters some fun money for whatever they felt was necessary. Most importantly I would buy myself a new fucking phone cause this one has a damn cracked screen which makes it impossible to blog and read. I would end my week with visiting all book stores around me and blowing a good chunck or this loot in books. Every damn book my heart desired I would just purchase. Who am I kidding I am irresponsible, id probably just end up blowing the complete $10,000 in opening my own library.


Who I Was & Who I Am

I’ve been lost and unsure not knowing what to do but I have thought it through & I’m coming back. Though it might not be the greatest it will be enough to satisfy my soul. So much is couped inside this mind that its ready to spill out little by little. Words are the only thing to have any logic in this world for me & writing is the only thing that keeps me sane in this life. I have let it go for too long and have grown to know what it is to be lost. To get swept under a rug and forgotten.To believe it was alright because that’s where it belonged but not anymore. Today it changes. Yesterday it was me but today I become who I am.

February 25, 2015

We radiate light from our hearts- our soul. We express it with our body. we showcase it with our life. ~N.D
“My eyes, my lips

my heart, my soul.

They’re yours to conquer, 

now and forever more.” 

It’s been over a year but felt the sudden urge to pick up a pen and write again, even if just for a brief moment. Just as always the word ‘conquer’ came to mind & I went from there. It’s no Bronte or Poe but it is a little bit of me.


To Be In Love or In Lust

Lovers by Jarek Puczel

This here ↑↑ brings a lot to mind, reason being simple, will I ever be in love or will it always simply be lust? I’ve never actually fallen in love with an actual nobody but I have fallen in love with many somebody’s who actually might not count; Rob Lowe, Synyster Gates, Christian Grey, Ryan Gosling, Heath Ledger etc. but an actual acquaintance, never. In all honesty and I’m trying not to sound all giddy & cliché but who really knows what love is, let alone what falling in love really looks or feels like. I can conclude with what I’ve seen and heard is that many believe  when you do “fall in love” you’ll know it. Now the question is how will I know when I know? What I can tell you is every time I see a potential candidate for “the one” all I feel is extreme heat. It’s somewhat of a mixture between butterflies exiting just below the stomach added with a spark of fire which ignites chills all over my skin. I’m almost certain that my friend is lust in it’s most powerful force. This being said, I’ve seen a great amount of heartbreak in my short 18 years of living. Seen relationships go smoothly and end roughly. From opening one’s heart to seeing it shot down from 20 stories high, as well as putting the pieces back together and once again getting it hammered into a thousand pieces. It all goes back to the same question, “will it always be lust” and it could quite possibly always be that way due to slight fear. Seeing and hearing about all this heartbreak caused by “love” makes is sound so “eh” & lust sound so much more appetizing. Maybe I will never be able to open my heart to someone or who knows there is possibly someone out there in this world getting ready at this very moment to tilt me on my axis. All I do know is I will continue to fall into lust  every chance I get because at least it’s feeling something rather than the illusion of something.

Looking Forward To Tomorrow

It has been quite some time since the last time I’ve logged on and checked my WordPress & my oh my was I shocked to see how great my views are doing. Of course some might be accidental clicks or spam but who knows there might be some freaks out there that actually find my ways fascinating. Whatever the reason might be I’m absolutely beguiled with the idea & respond with an update on how life has been treating me.
First let’s begin with the orange apron, I’ve been working at The Home Depot for about 2 months and I have to say replacing my red vest with an orange apron was the greatest decision I’ve made. I won’t bash Michael’s in a bad way because it was the perfect first job, gained some experience and met amazing people, but the feeling faded when I was transferred to another store. Of course I knew being transferred to a store across the country there would be many differences in the managing of stores, but in the end it was too much for me and yet wasn’t enough. Yes it was a tough 2 months until I was employed again but in the end it has paid off (literally). I’m satisfied with where I am at the moment, with work, and hope to remain here for as long as I can.
Next comes the whole school thing, sadly I will not be attending this year and probably next year either, reason being transportation. Yes I know many work (even 2 jobs) and still manage to go to school without a car, but I would find it very difficult. Especially since I can’t just think about myself, if I had a non stop busy schedule there wouldn’t be enough time to help out my family. Might seem like an idiotic reason or choice but it’s just the way I see it. Also when would I even find the time to read a good book? I’m not dropping out of school for good it’ s just taking a break to save up money to pay off my $1000 ticket from high school to finally be able to get my license and buy myself a motorcycle or car <—–BOO!!!!
Being completely honest I have just been too lazy to write these past months but after seeing that some of you out there is reading I guess I’ll try to do it more often. No promises on it being a daily thing but I could at least try doing it weekly, cause trust me there are many things I’ve been wanting to share but have been to lazy to start up my laptop. One being the AMAZING books I have been reading from Sinners On Tour to finding out Colleen Hoover is one of my favorite authors. As well as the new music I have been exploring let’s just say who knew I would have ever enjoyed Pantera & Anthrax. Yes you read that right. I hope to keep my word and post soon but till then I leave you with this:
-Alondra Osnaya

Book Of The Week: Fever & Rush

Maya Bank’s ‘Rush’ & ‘Fever’ follows 39-year-old Gabe & Jace, life long best friends, who fall hard into love in the most unexpected ways. Let’s begin with ‘Rush’ the first installment in the Breathless Trilogy. this book takes us through Gabe & Mia’s instant heated chemistry, the only thing holding them back is the fact that she is Jace’s baby sister. Neither of them want to see a lifelong friendship end up in the gutter so they decide to keep it a secret but we all know that secrets never stay hidden. Before I get to that part I should shed some light on the infamous contract Gabe has Mia sign, basically it states she’s his & he can do anything his wicked heart desires. From bondage, whips, butt plugs etc. you name it he’s probably willing to try. Of course she agrees & the relationship goes long and hard (pun intended) for some time until Jace decides to come back from a business trip a night early. Just when Mia and Gabe decided to confess it all to Jace because they no longer want to hide their love, they wanted to flaunt it, Jace walks into Gabe’s apartment and see’s his baby sister in a position he never wanted to see. Let’s just say rope & a whip were involved. AWKWARD! Jace kicks Gabe’s ass while Mia begs Gabe to confess his love for her to Jace but a coward takes over. Mia being very pissed let’s him know the only way he would ever get her back is if he crawled to her. That’s exactly what he did on Christmas Day when he proposed to her in front of hundreds of people and most importantly with Jace & Ash’s blessing. in the end it was a happily ever after that we all say coming.

Now to be completely honest if I had to choose I would say this is my favorite, it’s similar to Gabe’s  with the whole falling in love with a younger woman. The only difference is  Bethany has lived a life very different from Jace’s royalty. Bethany has been in and out of foster homes until she was able to run off with her “brother” Jack and has been living on the streets since then. While catering Mia & Gabe’s party Jace catches a glimpse of her  & feels an instant connection but here’s where the twist comes in. Jace & Ash have always been into doing the same chicks at the same time so when Ash catches Jace staring at Bethany he goes in for the kill. Bethany not knowing where she would sleep that night agrees when Ash’s ask her to be involved in a threesome, I mean would you say no if food was going to be provided. Long story short when Jace begins a serious relationship with Bethany family parties were quite awkward with Ash. I’m not going to get much into detail with this one because in the end it was a wickedly happily ever after. I just feel towards then end Maya Banks ran out of ideas or something because I felt it just kept repeating. Don’t get me wrong I liked the book but I didn’t fall in love with it. Usually when I reach the ending of a book I get this “aww” feeling mixed with relief and excitement but with this one I didn’t. I just closed the book and that was it.

In the end if you’ve read “Fifty Shades of Grey” and still suffering from withdrawal symptoms I would recommend you read them cause it might just satisfy the itch. Now if you’ve never read FSOG you might possibly fall in love the these books more than I did. They were good reads & I will obviously still read “Burn” which is Ash’s love story, as soon as I can get my hands on it, I just have to see how this Trilogy ends.

“Too Many Doses & I’m Starting To Get An Attraction”

If you follow me on Instagram you might have come to the conclusion that I have become highly addicted to this little band, um AVENGED SEVENFOLD! Who am I kidding they are HUGE! Turns out I have been living under a rock all this time because their music is some serious shit & I mean that in a good way. I might even say it has become a daily routine of mine to begin everyday with an A7X song. Words can not express what I feel when I hear one of Synyster Gates guitar solos, GOD panties off!!<—- was that a bit TMI? Don’t get me started on M. Shadows voice cause dude that man has a talent. With that being said I thought I should share with you all some of my favorite Avenged Sevenfold songs.

So Far Away– This was their very first song I heard that I really enjoyed and left me wanting more. The lyrics are very thoughtful and really gets you thinking of how heartbreaking it feels to lose someone very close.

A Little Piece Of Heaven- God don’t I know how to pick them. I’m not sure if any of you have heard Tom Jones ‘Delilah’, well I am completely in love with that song. Basically it’s about him killing the chick because she was a hoe. In this song he kills the chick and well long story short this lyrics pretty much sums it up, “I always knew that my little crime would be cold that’s why I got a heater for your thighs”. Just so you know I am not crazy & I do not plan on killing my significant other at anytime, these songs are just so damn catchy.

Shepherd of Fire- Now this song right here always makes me feel like a total badass when I listen to it. Like I’ve mentioned before M. Shadows has some killer vocals and with this song my theory in fact is proven. “Know me by name Shepherd if fire”.

Buried Alive- I’ve noticed that my music tastes tends to expand into darker places when my biological comes for a visit. Sadly that’s the truth so when he happened to pull one of his infamous stunts when he was here, ‘Buried Alive’ somehow managed to keep me sane. I might even dare say this is my favorite A7X song to this day.

Gunslinger- I love when their songs are soft, yes I know rumor has it many hate the fact that they have gone “mainstream” or whatever young slang one might use, but I believe if one can perform not only one genre but can incorporate many other genres or styles into their music, one is in fact should be considered quite talented, or dare I even say BADASS. Hence the reason why this one made it on my list.
With all this said, call me as you will for having join this fandom so late but it honestly won’t change the fact that Avenged Sevenfold has become and addiction of mine and I will take as many doses as I can get.

Daily Post: A Million Can Equal Books, Tickets & Rainy Days

Gone with the Windfall: You just inherited $1,000,000 from an aunt you didn’t even know existed. What’s the first thing you buy ( or otherwise use the money for)?

To tell you the truth the first thing I would buy isn’t probably the most responsible thing should do but if you know me you’d know better. In all honestly I would probably spend $100- $200 on new books to add to my collection. Literature is equally my therapy as much as a treasure to me, without it in my life I wouldn’t be sane. With that being said the next thing I would do is pay off my $1,000 ticket fee I owe to the state of California for not going to school. Which really bugs me by the way because YES I would go to school about 2 times a week but I still managed to have my grades at a 3.5 average and ended up graduating with honors. I have a theory they only gave it to me because they couldn’t kick me out of the school based on not attending so they just found it easier by holding me back in life with a $1,000 fee before I even started living my life. How the hell do they expect me to attend a college and get a good job if I can’t drive  till I’m 21???? Where the hell would a community college, part-time working student pay that  off?? Sometimes I don’t understand the world. The saddest part though has to be the reasons why I would ditch school was to either stay home and read a really good book that I didn’t want to put down or go volunteer at another school. I wasn’t even out there stirring trouble, I’ll admit a couple of those times might have been to spend all day standing in the heat in Hollywood to meet a couple of celebrities. Yes, those were the “Crazy” ditch days. With the fee & all I do not regret those days one bit so FUCK YOU DEPUTY WHAT’S HIS FACE AND MR. ATTENDENCE GUY IN THE OFFICE….YOU CAN CHOKE ON A BIG ONE!!!! Thank god I left public school sophomore year and tried another alternative that opened my eyes to the possibilities of greatness in the world. Let’s head back on track after paying my ticket I would probably invest in a couple of stocks, help my sister with her financial difficulties in over due bills, as well as donating a good portion into organizations I believe can really use the help. Lastly, I would save the rest for a rainy day or a security fund just if anything happens to pop up unexpectedly  as they always tend to do in my life.

Tuesday Tracks feat. Amy Winehouse & Coldplay

Amy Winehouse- He Can Only Hold Her

On this week’s segment I’ve asked my younger sister who has a similar taste in music as I do but not quite as good. If you ask her she might just say “go fuck yourself” because she’s the type of gal to not give a fuck about what others think (in some cases music being one). With that being said from her wide selection of Dino, Sinatra, Bee Gees, JohnnyCash & Black Keys she made up her mind and went with Amy Winehouse’s ‘He Can Only Hold Her’.  I’ve listened to Ms. Winehouse’s music and did believe  she had great vocal cords which made her quite the talented artist and it’s hard to believe we lost her too soon. I am neither a physic nor a music producer person but from what she left behind & I’ve heard, great things lied ahead in her career. Now I leave you this track for you to enjoy, after hearing my sister play it multiple times, being one after the other I now know why she loves it.

Coldplay- Magic

I have quite the love/ hate relationship when it comes to Coldplay, that being I love their music but I can only listen to it when the moment’s right. For me their music is not the one I would be playing while I have to clean the room or writing a paper. I usually tend to listen to Coldplay as I’m driving and a thought comes to mind and just as my mind is about to go over board ‘Magic‘ comes on and it takes me back to reality. Another perfect moment would be when you are about to knock out after a long day and then suddenly one of their songs comes out on Pandora, it takes you into deep serenity and you lose yourself into unconsciousness thus causing you to dream beautifully. Yes that might have sounded a bit fruity but it’s true. I hope you enjoy this little tune I’ve picked here and I hope it makes you feel beautiful things.

Tuesday Tracks feat. Brantley Gilbert

In all honesty I never thought I would ever listen to Brantley Gilbert let alone fall in love & not only with his music. There’s just something about Brantley that is very hard for me to describe, I don’t know if it’s his attitude or his ability to be a lyrical genius that has me dazed. 

‘You Don’t Know Her Like I Do’

The real reason why I fell passionately in love with this song was because I heard it while I was reading Walking Disaster. It happen to come out on Pandora during the scene that Travis Maddox is all alone and realizing he lost her. It was perfect almost as if it was meant to be the perfect song for Pidge. Yes, I know I’m weird but let’s just try to get over that. Let me get back to reality for second tho, Gilbert really pours his heart out in this one & I totally dig it.

“It might be just too much to bear
To hear somebody say it stops hurting
Or to hear somebody say she ain’t worth it

‘Cause you don’t know her like I do
You’ll never understand
You don’t know we’ve been through
That girl’s my best friend
And there’s no way you’re gonna help me
She’s the only one who can
No, you don’t know how much I’ve got to lose
You don’t know her like I do”

‘More Than Miles’

Ah, the first Brantley Gilbert song I have ever heard and the one that simply made me fall in love with him. I don’t know if I ‘ve mentioned this but I believe Brantley Gilbert is quite the lyric genius and has a serious gift. If you do not believe me just listen to this song and you will change your mind. Basically, what the song is about is the dude wanting to go live out his dream in Nashville, knowing that he left his heart behind but wanting follow his passion. In the end he decides to go back for love. this was obviously going to happen because it’s a love song Duh!

So I’m turning back for Georgia
Stopping short of Tennessee
I can’t put my dreams before her
Man, I need her with me
Cause that girl’s in every song I sing
She’s in every song I write
And that six string ridin’ in her seat
Can sleep in the back tonight
Now I know what I’m supposed to do, yeah
There’s still more than miles in my rear view

Overall I can come to the conclusion that Brantley Gilbert may be a babe but I know for a fact he is a fantastic musician. Make sure to come back next Tuesday for all new tracks.


Books & A SpaceCowboy

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been on here and I do apologize for my absence, why have a blog if I will never post right? Well to honest the reason why I haven’t written much is because my nose has been stuck in books. Yes, you’ve read that right I am a book loving nerd who reads for fun. Don’t judge me!! Some of my recent reads were Perks of Being a Wallflower, which by the way I’m not really sure which one was better the movie or the book. I guess I could say the book did go more into detail and was a bit more intense than the movie. I did finally complete reading The Alchemist by the talented, and my favorite writer Paulo Coehlo. To be honest the ending was everything I expected it to be and totally saw it coming but hey it was good and I felt accomplished in the end. Let’s see what else… Oh yeah I’m not sure if you guys have heard of a little book called Beautiful Disaster or Walking Disaster? Yeah I’m totally digging the Maddox men at the moment & do wish to be refered to as Pidge. If I wanted to ride a Harley really bad before you can only imagine how much I want to ride one post Travis Maddox. Yoy should look forward to reading more about the Maddox men on here because this is only the beginning :)

This is pretty much everything  I’ve been up to apart from getting a job interview at home depot and being forced to pee in a cup. Trust me when I say I am as sober as they come I think in my entire life so far I have gotten drunk twice but I consider those only buzzes because if you can remember the night before, that ain’t nothing. As far as drugs.. do space cakes count? & to think of it I’m pretty chunky so that means one bite size brownie wouldn’t do the job. Anyways I am looking forward to receiveing a call from them sometime time this week, my fingers are crossed because momma needs a brand new pair of shoes. Last but not least I am also providing day care services at my grandmother’s church this week and let’s just say it’s not an easy task taking care of about 18 kids for about 10 hours a day. The hardest part would be now that the rules changed instead of them being able to watch movies and play different board games, we now have to teach them things about God and angels and how to be a better person etc. It’s pretty hard trying to teach or show children  the word of god and god himself when I’m pretty sure I might be atheist. I mean yeah I have faith and do believe in a god you can say but if I had to preach the bible I would rather just read a book about Greek Mythology. I don’t mean to bash, everyone has the right to their own faith and practice but for me you could say I’m a space cowboy when it comes to this topic I mean I have the Science & Faith symbols tattooed next to each other on my arm how more confused can I be. With all that being said I’ve been up to some pretty fascinating things and hope more are on their way. Hope you all have a very wonderful memorial day weekend.


The Old Pick Me Up: with the help of a Rock Legend

What is one word or phrase that immediately cheers you up when you hear it?
Okay so I’m not really sure if this answer is quite accurate for this question but to be honest it works every time. Whenever I am having a bad day & I feel as if it’s only getting worse by the second it always helps to sing my heart out to Tom Petty’s “American Girl” There is not one dull moment when this song is playing. As the intro begins, the tempo takes control & soothes my soul, then he begins to sing about an american girl wanting more in life & he consoles my heart. I might sound foolish but let me be, technically all it takes is one word or phrase from this song to take me to my happy place. 

It’s The Truth I’m Only Human

This is the type of question that the good side of you wants to go one way and the not so good side wants to go the other & to be honest I’m quite Bi-polar. I don’t really believe in holding grudges because it is just another thing holding you back from seeing the truth or reality. Although there are some things that you just can’t forgive and forget, it’s not as simple. Like if a friendship for many years when down the dumps because Sally kissed Sue’s bae, that would be as simple as a forgive and forget. Yeah I’d probably slap Sally but hey things happen. Now if  Sue slept with Sally’s bae as revenge for the seconds of saliva swapping then a grudge would be acceptable. Although now putting it that way it seems like Sue never quite forgave nor forgotten. Wow was the circle of life or what. In all seriousness I try to and sometimes succeed in forgiving and forgetting but truthfully I am only human. Life has brought many challenging obstacles in my path,  probably even more on their way since I am only 18 but what would be the point of living life if your soul wasn’t wounded a tiny bit. We are all mad in our own it could easily be that your mother didn’t feed your fish when you went away for a week & it died. Or even bigger like a mother not being able to look at her husband because if wouldn’t have taken the wheel after to many tequila shots her son would probably still be alive. I guess with all this said the best conclusion I can draw is simple, I try to forgive and forget but deep down inside, in the back of mind, there is a pit full forgiveness that has not been forgotten.